your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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