I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
