Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
