my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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