THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
