Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
