This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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