What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Never underestimate the power of titties
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
