So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
