I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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