Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
