I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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