I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
