my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
