I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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