I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
