420 ftw
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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