I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
