It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
