It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
