So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
