maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
