dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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