Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
