Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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