I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
