We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was like eating out sand paper
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
