This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
