he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
