i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
