You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
