I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me i tasted like america
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
