Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
