i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
