chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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