I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
