I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
