i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
