i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
