What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
