i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
