I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
