Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
