It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
