i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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