I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
