end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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