Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
