Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
