Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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