Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
