I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
