So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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