so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
