It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
