If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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