make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
