lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
