Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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